The Existence Game
a novel by Judy Adams

Alex Moser, a self-declared nutcase, is at the end of her rope. Finding little meaning in a life governed by innumerable phobias, she finally gives suicide a shot, but… “I couldn’t even get that right!” she moans upon awakening in the hospital.

The Existence Game chronicles two months in Alex’s life, detailing her path from suicide attempt to long-awaited healing. Both neurotic and utterly easy to relate to, Alex’s recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder is told with self-awareness and an easy intimacy. Whether or not we’ve been touched by mental illness, The Existence Game reminds us of the power we have to choose where to go, regardless of where we have been.

From David M. Band, M.D. —

“As a practicing psychiatrist with extensive experience working with Borderline Personality Disorder individuals, I was struck by how accurately Adams portrays the main character, Alex Moser, and the development of her illness. Additionally, The Existence Game provides one of the most moving, insightful accounts – from the perspective of a child – of what experiencing childhood sexual abuse is like, and the problems that develop in relation to this severe trauma. This is not just a story of illness, but a remarkable, heartwarming story of recovery. Beautifully written and gripping from the start, Adams takes us for a ride into a hidden, taboo world that most people never know exists, and leads us out again, better human beings for the experience.”

David M. Band, M.D., Medical Director/CEO, Sterling Behavioral Health Services, Ashburn, Virginia

Excerpt from Chapter One

“...Every night was the same. I reluctantly left my family members, and, terrified but without options, I began my nightly investigation of every place in my bedroom that a murderer might be hiding -- even, I am not kidding, inside my desk drawers. I then donned the following: two pairs of underpants, tights, leotard, tank top, long-sleeved tee-shirt, shorts, sweatpants, sweatshirt, and socks. It was an utterly miserable outfit but I felt safer, like I was wearing armor. Then, instead of getting into my bed, I got into my closet, pulling shoes, comic books, blankets and other stuff over me, so that when the murderers came in, they wouldn't see me. They'd figure I was a pile of junk.

But even then, the pile of junk couldn't get to sleep. I was constantly hallucinating the sound of footsteps, breathing, even threatening whispers that were not quite discernible, but rich with evil intent. Roasting under the blankets, I read by flashlight until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.”

The Existence GameRead the first three chapters HERE.

Paperback $15.95 U.S. ISBN 978-1-4575-1398-5
Hardcover $29.95 U.S. ISBN 978-1-4575-1581-1
E-Book $4.99 U.S. ISBN 978-1-4575-1612-2

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"Superbly well-written, and in a highly intimate style, this is a truly life-affirming story. Warm, funny, touching and disturbing by turns, Adams brings the tale of Alex Moser to life in a barnstorming literary tour de force. I love this book!"
Frank Kusy, Author

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"The Existence Game is a powerful and compelling piece of work, full of insight and above all, hope. It is beautifully written, without sentimentality or indulgence. I was drawn in and then carried away, by both the humour and the sadness, which Adams paints and balances with great skill. A highly recommended and inspirational read."
Barry Wenlock, Author and Travel Guide

“As a Borderline myself, Alex is a very real character to me and I identify with her thoughts and actions very strongly. Adams describes life for us perfectly.”
— Anonymous